Simple and Silent

Growing up, I was never a competitive person. I think that’s a part of what made me different than everyone else I went to school with. I did not care at all about what everyone else was doing or wearing. I simply did my own thing.
I am still like this and I have been told many many times that I am always in my own world. I space out a lot, daydream, whatever you want to call it. I have also been told that I am unapproachable and give off a “bitchy” look naturally. I think this has changed a little since I have started to consciously tell myself to smile at strangers or do things more friendly, but still I am a very quiet person. I do not like talking too much. If I’m talking for a long time, I get a bad head ache. It’s bad.

I love being in my own world, being alone, silence, meditating, drawing alone.

I am not competitive.

I have one close friend who is also an art major. I do not know why, but for some reason, he/she is very competitive with me. Every time a competitive remark is made by them, I brush it off.

I HATE BRUSHING IT OFF and am quite tired of it.

The thing is that these remarks are rude and that is what makes me furious.

If you are my friend, I need you to support me. I expect you to support me. I will do the same for you, of course. That’s what friends do!

But is it because we are both artists? And somewhere there is a need for competition? Is this a thing? I really hope it’s not…

I came to my mom with specific issues with this particular person. She said I need to address how I feel to him/her and simply state that I want my friends to support me and not embarrass me. I haven’t done this and it is still bothering me.

Anyways, next year is grad school and I won’t be near anyone I see everyday. So it will be a fresh start. I do love my dearest friends who I met throughout my high school years.

It’s sad to say that I haven’t met any close friends in college though.

P.S. I would greatly appreciate comments on this one.

5 thoughts on “Simple and Silent

  1. If it is bothering you, I would definitely say something, because it will keep eating away at you if you don’t. And if he/she is a good friend like you say they are they would /want/ you to say something. You could always just wait until it happens again and say, “When you do that I feel like you’re need being supportive. I don’t want to be competitive. I want to be your friend”…or whatever comes to you. In my experience keeping stuff locked up inside is never a good thing and once I get it out there I feel a million times better. And it usually makes relationships stronger.

  2. I agree with the rebeccagambino. Definitely bring it up the next time it happens. Also, make it a habit to stand up for your self. Not saying that you should get into fights but you need at least let people know what’s bothering you. And just an fyi, it may take a bit of time before your friend stops this behavior. Just keep reenforcing it every time it happens.

  3. There more than likely just competitive because they see you as competition which can mean they are threatened by your skill or just envy you so they try to be better. I would start keeping my work to myself if i were you it’d probably drive them crazy lol

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