Growing up, I was never a competitive person. I think that’s a part of what made me different than everyone else I went to school with. I did not care at all about what everyone else was doing or wearing. I simply did my own thing.
I am still like this and I have been told many many times that I am always in my own world. I space out a lot, daydream, whatever you want to call it. I have also been told that I am unapproachable and give off a “bitchy” look naturally. I think this has changed a little since I have started to consciously tell myself to smile at strangers or do things more friendly, but still I am a very quiet person. I do not like talking too much. If I’m talking for a long time, I get a bad head ache. It’s bad.
I love being in my own world, being alone, silence, meditating, drawing alone.
I am not competitive.
I have one close friend who is also an art major. I do not know why, but for some reason, he/she is very competitive with me. Every time a competitive remark is made by them, I brush it off.
I HATE BRUSHING IT OFF and am quite tired of it.
The thing is that these remarks are rude and that is what makes me furious.
If you are my friend, I need you to support me. I expect you to support me. I will do the same for you, of course. That’s what friends do!
But is it because we are both artists? And somewhere there is a need for competition? Is this a thing? I really hope it’s not…
I came to my mom with specific issues with this particular person. She said I need to address how I feel to him/her and simply state that I want my friends to support me and not embarrass me. I haven’t done this and it is still bothering me.
Anyways, next year is grad school and I won’t be near anyone I see everyday. So it will be a fresh start. I do love my dearest friends who I met throughout my high school years.
It’s sad to say that I haven’t met any close friends in college though.